it's christmas !

Tomorrow it's christmas! I don't feel like it at all, there's no snow...

I have pretty much nothing in my mind, so there's not much to read..

I'm putting few pictures up though..

First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been updating (at all for a month).... I just don't really have much to write about..

School is alright, I don't really like it at the moment... We have body massages... not my thing.. Today I got full body treatment and it was awkward.. I'm just happy we're not that far yet. I'm bored, I don't feel like doing the stuff we do in school, customer service... bleh.. Christmas holiday please come already..

I got a new laptop, finallyyy! and now I'm just trying to get use to it... And I'm going christmas shopping on friday ! I'll be having lots of stuff to carry home then...

memories or...

Today I've been thinking about the past, and I really don't feel like writing, but I thought I'd get something up here..

So I'm sorry but this post is gonna be in finnish.....

Ekaa kertaa pitkään aikaan, on tullu tosi vaikee fiilis.. Jotenki on vaan vaikeeta avata sisintään vaikka haluais, ei pysty avautumaan edes rakkaimmalleen.. se jos mikä musertaa... Tuntuu pahalta tietää että pieniki ajatus tuo mieleen menneet, sen huonon menneen, sen mitä yrittää unohtaa, sen mitä välttää, sen minkä pitäis olla jo kaukana poissa. Viikon aikana on pyöriny päässä niin positiiviset muistot, kuin negatiivisetki..

Pää lyö kyllä muuten tyhjää mutta sitte siellä rupee pyörimään vanhat muistot uudelleen ja uudelleen.. eikä niistä pääse eroon.. Ajattelin että ne asiat ei enää vaivais mua, olin todella väärässä.. Vaikka se kesti hetken, musta tuntu tärkeeltä sille henkilölle, joka lopuks ei välittäny musta paskan vertaa...

Tää on nyt tällästä tunteiden purkua, pahoittelen suuresti, nyt ei vaan oo ketään niistä lähellä johon tukeudun...

updating..?!

almost...

I'm tired as hell, I would be happy if I got one day more to sleep till whatever feels good.. I could fall asleep right now almost... I haven't had a good sleep in a while which isn't great at all..

School is nothing new, I feel like staying home and sleep since there isn't anything new happening... BUT! I did attend to this competition in cosmetic business and there are professionals and students competing in different categories.. and there's high quality and the make up you do has to be perfect and unique... I needed a model to it, and I need to make her an outfit, do her hair and do the make up... and school gives us the makeups and hair products... Only thing is, I have to design all of this.. but it's so interesting..

Not so good news are that my grandma is going to surgery next monday and it's her heart they are operating..

fucked up.. or what ?

This weeks been a mess, almost break ups, almost having break downs, almost crying your eyes out.... I really have no idea what I could do to avoid these from happening.. Things are going in the wrong direction and I don't know how I could stop that from happening...

So yeah, things are slowly going to their places but not the way I'd like them to.. Maybe I'll get everything sorted out and not get to the breaking point I'm gliding into.. I need a break from everything right now, I would love to just travel away and have my own time for a while.. That's impossible though.. so...

School is school, nothing new.. We're going to somekinda fair tomorrow, it's gonna suck... We gotta do some school work there and I'm gonna be alone I guess, since Heidi can't walk with me... We've been doing facil treatments now and shoul've started the face massage today but our teacher is still sick I think, she's been away a month I guess.. My schoolday ended at eleven today but I'm just sitting here, still.. I've no idea why, guess I'll just wait Heidi and play on facebook...

OH! My laptop broke so.. I had photos to put here but since the laptop is broken, I can't upload them here, unless I use my moms laptop... I'll take it to a shop so they can fix it on wednesday.. Maybe I just should get a new one..

finnish ?!

Updating..

in finnish this time.. :)

Niih, nyt tuli sellai fiilinki että postaan kerranki suomeks tänne, pahoittelen niitä, jotka eivät suomea puhu/ymmärrä/tai jtn, jotenki nyt vaan kaipaan suomen kieltä blogissa. Se vaan sujuu niin paljon helpommin.

Viikonloppu meni iha oolrait meiningeillä, perjantaina oli lähtö Mäntsälään klo 17.30, pari junamatkaa ja olin määränpäässä, hakijalle tää tuli vähän yllärinä ni hällä oli vähä kiirus :) anteeksi kulta, rakastat mua silti <3 :) (ainakin mä toivon niin!) Asemalta mentiin Heidille ja ilta meni siinä että laitoin Heidin äidin ripset ja vaan oleskeltiin, huomattiin että maksulliset kanavat näkyy nii ruvettiin laittamaan nauhotukseen elokuvia :) Lauantaina tehtiin jotain, ainakin vahdittiin poikia (Heidin pikkuveljeä ja se ahdistelija kaveria joka muaki ahisteli, as always). Kateltiin vähän disney zäneliä ja muutama elokuvakin, haettiin pojilleki katteltavaa ettei ne ois joutunu tylsistyy pelaten ps3:ta, ihan niinku siinä tylsistyis :D Sunnuntaina oli treenejä suunnitelmissa, kuntotestit! jehei... Ne meni aika jeesisti, yllätyin tuloksista, joistain huonosti ja joistain sika hyvin :)

Koulussa alko uus jakso ja uus aihe, teemaksi tai kurssiksi sitä muut sanovat, nimittäin kasvohoito :) Tehtiin perjantaina ja tänään alkupuhdistusta, ihan vaan poistetaan meikit siinä ja näin.. nyt on sitte joka päivä kuulemma käytäntöä, eipä se mittää, ei saa vaan olla kipeenä yhtään, ja oon vieläki pienessa nuhassa.. Huomenna ois kanssa klo 8.00-16.00 koulua ja keskiviikkona kasista kahteentoista, ja vitutukseksi Heidi pääsee vasta neljältä, jotenki tämä ei nyt toimi näin.. *huokaus* Keskiviikkona ois taas treenejä ja sillo luvassa venyvyyden testejä ja jos vaikka jäis sinne yöks ja tulis torstaina himaan.. Perjantaina olis ainakin näillä näkymin shopping day with MOM! tulee tarpeeseen kyllä (ja Heidi, kun sä tän luet niin et kyllä tule vihaseksi, murr) käyään Itiksessä ostelemassa mulle ehkä takkia tai vaikka kenkiä ja syyän kanssa siellä. Tällästä olis tiedossa, jos sitten vaikka lauantaina tai perjantai iltana sais mentyä Mäntsälään tai sais sen Heidin meille..

Ja kuten tekin huomaatte, asiaa tulee näin suomeksi paremmin, ja helpommin kun on sanavarasto vähän laajempi.. :)

mielipiteitä suomeks kirjottamisesta sais antaa juu :)

ps. ja vielä loppuun tällanen

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while.. I haven't felt like it and I've been sick.. well I still am sick but I'm at Mäntsälä. I have to stay this night at Heidi's mom 'cause her dad wants them to spend a ''family night'' and watch a movie and stuff, and I don't want to go home for one night so she asked her mom if I can stay here. Fortunately her mom was nice and let me stay here.

This week went pretty fast, I was at school on monday and tuesday but on wednesday and thursday I had to saty home 'couse I was that sick. On friday I had my first so called test on what I had learned in manicure class.. My client was Heidi and I personally think it went alright, only thing was that I started from a wrong hand...

surgery..

Well, now I don't really have any good news... My dad is having a surgery on tuesday and if everything goes well before that he'll be okay, but if not... then me and my sister and brother don't have a father anymore.. Hopefully the surgery goes well and there's no complications and he won't have to suffer from aneurysm in his stomach anymore... And my dad also decided to make me the nearest relative even though I'm the youngest one.. :''(

música

I thought I would make this post a little different, I really don't have much to say or write now.

Thought I'd never fall in love
Then I met you
Girl you changed my mind

One look and just one touch
And I knew she was the girl for me

A song I found accidentally but it's still amazing.

Music is way for me to express myself, just like writing. Not many persons know that I write, it's kinda a thing I like to keep to myself.

Now to last week, yes ? Well, last week wasn't as good as it could've have been. I felt sick everyday and left from school and even had to stay home because I couldn't get out of bed. Wendesday went pretty well even though I felt sick in the morning but it fortunately went away. After school I had dance practice in Mäntsälä again and stayed the night at Heidis place since I really don't like using trains at half eleven, especially when I'm going to Helsinki. Friday went almost well, I had a test in IT class and to me it easy as hell. After school I waited for Heidi to get out and then we went to the train station and left to Mäntsälä. The weekend was pretty much full of action, we went to some market at Kerava, there was many funfair devices or something, and so many little tables that had many of little different things for you to buy. I actually bought a pretty scarf and won few little soft toys :) And on sunday I came back home which didn't really interest me that much..

ps. and of course I got to spend my time with my lovely girlfriend :)

summer is over

I thought I would put some pictures from summer for you, so here's some of them :)

feelings are feelings

Well.. I kinda thought I would take a grip of myself and start and try to write as much as I can..

At the moment I'm sitting in school, for nothing you could say. I got out at eleven and now I'm just waiting for Heidi to get out at three. I may get to go and sit to her class at some point, I'm not sure.

it's just me

Sorry for not updating in a while.. school is really taking all of my time :/ I've realized that this is the thing for me, to study something that lets you be who you are, getting to do something creative..

School is starting out well even though I've been two days off 'cause I've been sick, I'm sick at the moment, little bit of fever, but I'll still go tomorrow. I got almost everything I need, there's a few things I still have to get..

Things are going well with Heidi too, over seven months has passed from the day we really got into a relationship and I'm glad that she's there.. and I don't say that as often as I should.

school is back........

First day in school... enjoyable, almost likable and maybe even fine. Only thing that suck is that I'll have to spend 600 euros to stuff and that I won't be able to see Heidi all day.

The day started at nine a.m. and ended half twelve but I stayed there till one to keep Heidi some company. We didn't quite do anything but go through all the school stuff we need to know and filled some papers.

Tomorrow my day starts at eight a.m. and ends at four p.m. (YAY -.-) and I have no idea what we're gonna do. All I know is that we have some kinda language thing and a math thing at some point.

So.. This train ride did not start well.. first at home there was thunder and now all you can see are dark grayish clouds.. It's raining almost all the time but I've seen blue sky probably once for a second during this trip.

We finally got home and thank God there wasn't any rain..! We first went to pick some stuff for Heidi from her dads and then came to her moms and now I'm staying here till saturday. I have to help them with cleaning 'cause they're having a birthday party to Heidi's brother :)

little bit of pictures of today and from Helsinki Zoo :)

pictureees

and what look-a-likes ??

it's party timee..!

Soo.. My moms and aunts birthday is TODAY! and we have cake and blueberry pie and lots of cookies and candyy and everyything :) I haven't eaten anything yet and I'm already hyper. It's been a looong time since the last time I felt this great.

The room is cleaner than EVER.. I had to clean it 'cause of the celebration, and I've changed some funritures places, it was a good idea, looks more open now.. I took couple of pictures of the room now.

Things weren't so great in the love life a few days ago, but it's all worked out now.. I have a feeling that it was just good that we hit the bottom 'cause now everything is better. I've been making little visits to Mäntsälä few times and tomorrow I'll make one again.. Thank God for free trips :))

Oh, I'll be going to my dads place next friday, hopefully someone is coming with me or I'll be bored to death.. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j3qTcXG5uk

helloo.. sadness

Okay... so today was nothing like great, well I did have a good time with Linda when we went to take pics and to pick peas near where I live. We got alot of them, and even got a few amazing shots. Today Heidi went to Berlin, that's not fun for either of us..and I don't feel good at all. I don't feel like writing since I'm on a sad mood but I'll put some pictures for you to see...

vacuums and carpets

So... um, actually I really don't know what to write today.

Well.. I'm starting to hate that we moved, at first it was good and bad but now there's less good and more bad. I know no one here, the closest friend lives in Tikkurila, I don't have money to travel to Mäntsälä... and there is alot more. Luckily, I managed to get my floor empty and got a carpet now.

I was thinking I'd do a some kinda 31 days challenge or something that many people are doing, but in english. But now to a thought I just had, school is starting in less than a month and I am pretty scared of how I'll survive there. It just happens to be a BIG change going from junior high school to vocational school. I know three people there and somehow that is comforting 'cause I don't have to act that I like someone I actually don't and I can be the person I am and not try to fit into some mould.

Oh and there's some good pics I got yesterday.

well hello again

Yes I know I haven't been updating my blog for a looong time. Sorry about that, I was in Mäntsälä for over a week and I haven't had time now. So today I thought that I would do some updating here.
The room is as messy as always, besides the new stuff on the floor nothing has changed place. I'm supposed to get my carpet on the floor tomorrow or today, probably tomorrow though. I feel a little exhausted because of the move and all the going everywhere. I'm even supposed to go to my dad this summer, having no idea when or with who, how nice. I don't know how everyone thinks this is a holiday for me.

Things didn't always go as planned in Mäntsälä, Heidis scooter broke and we got stuck in Järvenpää at a gas station but we got a ride from her uncle. That trip wasn't only a bad thing, I got myself jeans (finally!) and Heidi got a shirt. They got the scooter fixed the day before I had to leave, fortunately. We had to take a buss to Järvenpää 'cause we had to go get Heidi shoes with her mom, we even went to Subway to eat.. yay (: Unfortunately we had to go to Heidis dad on monday, we weren't happy about that.. I survived somehow to stay sane.

what about me

Today didn't go as planned, I was supposed to go to Tikkurila but I didn't feel like it. I've actually felt sad all day, and that is new, usually I cheer up during the day but not today. I feel like I have to hide what I want, need and feel. I just really feel like talking to those persons who try to understand.

Room looks like the same as my old one, does not surprise me, I'm too lazy person to clean up. Tomorrow I have to do something here 'cause my cousin and her husband are coming over I think. I'm also going to Mäntsälä again. No idea how long I'm going to stay there this time.

Here's the bag and sun glasses I bought:

a good weekend ?

not in the end... So I've started to get this look like it's a bedroom and not just a place where all the stuff is all around. We got curtains to me, finally. I feel a little bad now 'cause after I and Linda got this look a bit better, it's now almost looking like the same what it was before. I just have too much stuff in here, that's all... I think. I brought my stuffed animals here that take really much space, yes I do have a soft spot for stuffed animals (:

I was on a really good mood on thursday since Heidi came here and spent three days here and left this morning to her sisters place.. that's a reason why I didn't write sooner. We went to Malmi and got to try how to survive by going by buss there. And we also met Linda there and went to eat and then just shopped, I found myself a bag, and Heidi bought herself the same one, just in different color. I also found sun glasses since I lost my last ones to a forest when we went orienteering in school. Before coming back home Linda and Heidi bought milkshakes and I got a McFlurry.. yum. The day didn't end as well as it started because Heidi got some reall bad news.

I just realised that almost a month has gone from the summer holiday, not a nice thing.

there's a....

floor after all! Finally, I finally have some free space on the floor, we even managed to be nerdy with Linda, we got to play Playstation 2 and Wii here. I haven't had such good laughs as today in a looong time with her. I also haven't been having much time to be with Linda now that she first moved to Tikkurila and now I moved here and we've both been just packing and unpacking stuff. I'm really excited to get this done and all the stuff to their places so I can have my girlfriend stay here for few days.

Yesterday we went to IKEA so I did have my bed and few pillows and boxes. I also got my bed put together and a matress in it and all sheets put to it.
I'm getting so done with this organizing that I'd like to just snap my fingers and have it done just like that. We also took my school acceptance letter to the post so it gets there before the 30th of this month.

I'm actually really happy that this is getting somewhere so all the things aren't just sitting on the floor for a year.

Here's a picture of yesterdays total:


And here's some of todays total: