sorry for the tears

I'm sorry already, this post is gonna be full of pain I feel right now..

I haven't felt this much pain in a long time.. I don't want to feel it now, not tomorrow, not ever.. It hasn't felt like this since I don't know when.. I feel sadness, anger, hate even, all of that is pain that doesn't go away and just keeps getting worse every minute.

This place, that I call home, this doesn't feel like home to me. I don't want to be here, I just want to go back home.. I don't know where my home is, I just know that it's not here.. I want to move away, I just can't do it..

I've been thinking is this what I want, is this career what I want, I don't know anymore. I want to change school, I want to go back.. I would want to move back to Mäntsälä..

I don't know what to do anymore with my life.. I'm in a breaking point where I need to decide whether to fall or to get my life on track...